Keeping Up Appearances
by ObliviousWarrior89
Summary: Sometimes... facing down an over-protective guardian is hard. Especially if it's Byakuya Kuchiki. IchiRuki A collection of one-shots based on a sprite comic series currently on DeviantArt that I did a while back.
1. Why Me? Why Not?

Okay, I'm gonna do an IchiRuki one shot to clear my head and perhaps break myself out of the lethargy I've fallen into. Maybe I'll update one of my other stories for once.

**Why Me? Why Not?**

Byakuya Kuchiki let out an irritated sigh. "What is it, kozo?"

"I just want to apologize for earlier… we kind of got off on the wrong foot. I didn't need to freak out like that and attack you."

The expression on Byakuya's face did not change. "Very well, Kurosaki. I shall accept your meager apology." Narrowing his eyes slightly, the noble added, "But if I should ever find my sister with you in that closet again, I will stain Senbonzakura with your intestines."

A loud gulp escaped from the orange-haired boy's throat.

"Did I not make myself clear? Acknowledgment would be preferable, kozo…"

"Yeah, I got it," the boy said nervously. "By the way, heh heh, Rukia said she might not come home for awhile and that I should tell you not to worry—"

"Rukia said this? Then why did she not come to say so herself?"

"Well… she said she didn't want you to see her in her present state—"

"There is something wrong with my sister's state?" Byakuya pondered on this for a moment, and something dawned on him. "Exactly how long is 'awhile'? Answer very carefully, Kurosaki."

By this point, Ichigo was sweating bullets. _Oh shit! I think he's on to me! We're screwed!_ His answer was "Uhhhhh… I think she said nine months or so - DON'T KILL ME!"

Byakuya's eyes opened a little. "Why would I kill you over something so trivial as spending nine months in the human world?" He then narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Did you and my sister do something that would require such a vast amount of time, Kurosaki?"

_Yes we did, and it was so worth it, Byaku-brat!_ "I, uh, don't know what you're talking about—"

"So… you came here to apologize under false pretenses. You had no intention of ceasing intimate relations with Rukia. You simply wished for my blessing in the matter." Byakuya sighed audibly. Then he asked the question. "Do you intend to marry?"

Ichigo's heart nearly stopped. _Wait… he's not killing me yet…does that mean what I think it means?_ "M-marriage? Uh, of course I do! I'm not going to just get her pregnant and NOT marry her!"

Byakuya's eyes flashed dangerously, and his hand went to the hilt of his sword in a split second. Ichigo jumped back five feet and put his hand to Zangetsu in an instant. But Byakuya had seemed to forget the thought of violent action almost at once and made a wave of his hand, as if to dismiss the action. "I apologize for my impulsiveness, Kurosaki. We nobles are taught to hold our anger in check. My over protectiveness of Rukia is clearly starting to cloud my judgment in this matter. I will, of course, be happy for the two of you. If this is Rukia's choice of guardian and father of her children… she couldn't have picked a more capable individual."

Ichigo couldn't believe what he was hearing. _Did… Did Byakuya Kuchiki just complement me AND congratulate me in the SAME SENTENCE!?_ "Uh, thank you very much, Byakuya."

"Please. Call me… _nii-sama_."

Ichigo's jaw practically hit the floor. He wanted to scream very loudly and deny that the impossible was happening. Byakuya had just asked that he, Ichigo Kurosaki, the Savior of Soul Society, call him, Byakuya Kuchiki, the Captain of the Sixth Division and the Head of the Kuchiki noble clan, _big brother_.

All he could reply was, "Hai… n-nii-sama."

Byakuya then turned to leave, and made one last parting shot to Ichigo over his shoulder. "I shall, of course, be visiting from time to time to check on Rukia. So be sure to make yourselves… presentable. Or perhaps your child will grow up without a father. That would be a shame…"

Ichigo gulped loudly.

"You might want to flee, Kurosaki. I am having difficulty restraining myself from attacking you."

Ichigo was already gone. Byakuya smiled inwardly. The next nine months were going to be very entertaining…

* * *

"Ichigo! I'm starting to feel hungry… can you go out and buy me some instant ramen?" Rukia said as she prodded her fiancé.

"Why can't we just make what we have in the kitchen cupboards?"

"I want instant ramen from the store! NOW!" Rukia wailed.

Ichigo grabbed his jacket and walked out the door. As soon as it clicked shut behind him, he grasped his hair as if pulling it out by the roots and roared,

"WHY ME!?"

* * *

A/N: So how do you like it? I'm not much of a One-shot kind of person… but I thought I'd give it a shot. I based this loosely off of a sprite comic I made about Byakuya chasing Ichigo after finding out that the boy had gotten Rukia pregnant. I had made three strips, and the situation is still currently unresolved. I might make more comics (and perhaps more one-shots) about this idea if I get good enough reviews. Kthxbai!!


	2. Of Bloodlust and Self Preservation

Figured I'd continue my one-shot series. This one's gonna be based on the second of my three comics. I might continue to make comics and then one-shot adaptations of them. I'll call it Multi Media Project IchiRuki!

**Of Bloodlust and Self Preservation**

Zaraki Kenpachi and Hitsugaya Toshiro were walking near the walls of western Seireitei, apparently having similar reasons for being on the same road at the same time. Ordinarily, Toshiro would've ditched Kenpachi and gone a different route. But for some reason, the maniacal Eleventh Division Captain wasn't in the mood to tease the self conscious Captain of the Tenth, who seemed to like this newer, quieter Kenpachi.

The frightening man seemed to be attempting to hone his ability to detect spiritual pressure, as he was sure he sensed killing intent coming from a source that was approaching. He could also barely detect a massive tidal wave of spiritual pressure that reeked of survival instinct. Kenpachi put two and two together: Somebody was chasing somebody. _Judging by the strength of the two…_ Kenpachi thought, grinning in a feral manner. The guy _being_ chased had to be Kurosaki Ichigo. And from that tiny bit of knowledge, Kenpachi put his powers of deduction and observation (which were largely underestimated, for the most part: many forget that as he didn't have bankai, he had to have made Captain for _some_ reason) to use. There was only one explanation. Kurosaki had 'put the moves' on Kuchiki Byakuya's sister… and her _nii-sama_ was furious. Wondering if the boy genius knew (or even cared) that the two were heading in their direction, Kenpachi grunted and cleared his throat loudly.

"Yes, what is it, Zaraki-taicho?" the agitated snowy-haired boy asked.

"You hear something?" the fearsome pirate-looking fighter barked.

Hitsugaya looked thoughtful for a moment. "Now that you mention it… the spiritual pressure coming from those two is getting closer. It's starting to feel a little stuffy over here. And of course, who could ignore the loud crashes and shouting?"

Loud crashes and shouting, indeed. But the snowy-haired Captain turned and began to walk again. He hadn't even gone three steps before a certain orange-haired somebody appeared in a flash of shunpo and landed on the boy genius, who ended up face planting.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!! ANYBODY! THERE'S AN ANGRY PINK TIDAL WAVE AFTER ME!!" the Substitute Shinigami cried out loudly, flash-stepping off of Hitsugaya-taicho's back.

"Ow…" wheezed the snowy-haired first seat of the Tenth Division.

Not wanting to show all of his cards, Kenpachi feigned ignorance of the boy's predicament. "That was Ichigo, wasn't it?" he began. "Wonder why he was in such a hurry…"

"Well I don't…" Toshiro coughed. "Help me up."

Before he could even put his hands to the ground to pick himself up, another pair of sandaled feet landed gracefully on Hitsugaya's back. Lo and behold, Kuchiki Byakuya was still hot on Ichigo's tail.

"Get back here, kozo… you are mine! You cannot escape my Senbonzakura!" the Kuchiki clan leader thundered as he made another graceful shunpo off of the Tenth Division Captain's back, prompting a weak "My spleen…" to escape the unfortunate doormat's lips.

Reveling in the fact that he had finally been able to sense a situation and call it one-hundred-percent right, Zaraki continued to act as if he didn't know what was really going on. Sure, he _usually_ acted like the only thing that mattered was getting a good fight, but he liked being secretive in front of the other Captains. After all, Zaraki might one day get to use the fact that the others thought him an open book to his advantage. He'd only ever let slip in front of one person that he was a keen observer, and that had been to Kuchiki himself, who had dismissed the idea that a commoner like himself could ever hope to understand the nuances of nobility. Pompous bastard.

"Hmm. Looks like Kuchiki's chasing him. And _that_ means there's gonna be a fight!" Kenpachi said in pseudo-deduction, as Toshiro got up and dusted himself off. The white-haired Captain muttered, "Ugh… that hurt." Letting his full revelry take hold, the fearsome Zaraki-taicho roared, "HELL YEAH!! LET'S GO!"

Hitsugaya furrowed his brow. _Stupid fools fighting over nothing, as usual_, he thought.

Kenpachi gave another feral grin. "Later 'Shiro! I've got some carving to attend to!" And he was gone in a flash of shunpo.

"That's HITSUGAYA-TAICHO!" the short snowy-haired genius barked. "ARGH! I've had it! That's the last straw! I'm gonna make him pay for that!" Toshiro drew out his sword and roared his release command. "Reign over the frosted heavens, Hyourinmaru!"

* * *

"Is there something wrong, Unohana-taicho?" Isane Kotetsu asked her superior.

"Oh… there's something wrong all right… My 'impending-bloodbath-that-will-create-an-endless-hell-for-me-for-the-next-month' sense is tingling…" the quiet woman who Captained the Fourth Division sighed. _Damn that Zaraki-taicho! And Kuchiki Byakuya's not helping matters!_

* * *

"So what do you think, kozo? Was it convincing enough?"

"Yeah… I'm pretty sure he's gonna be pissed when he finds out there's not really gonna be a fight."

"I intend to continue as planned. Kusajishi-fukutaicho promised to stay out of my kenseikan for a month if I caused a diversion so that they could set up for his birthday party."

"Not sure if I want to stick around now… the killing intent blistering off of you was convincing enough. He's gonna end up killing somebody when he gets here anyway."

"Ah, but perhaps Hitsugaya-taicho will keep him occupied."

"Toshiro? What's he got to do with anything?"

"He's coming this way, kozo. It seems he's finally lost his composure, and is going after Zaraki to vent his frustrations."

"That's it, I'm definitely getting the hell out of here."

"Tell Rukia I said congratulations. I shall come to visit her in the maternity ward on the morrow."

"Yeah. By the way… she said to say thank you. She really appreciates your support."

Byakuya simply nodded. The spiritual pressure was getting thick enough to the point where it was obvious even to Ichigo that it was time to go. With a final wave, the Shinigami Substitute took off for the nearest Senkaimon.

Byakuya smiled contentedly. He finally got the orange-haired brat to leave, the pink-haired demon was going to steer clear of the Sixth Division, and Hitsugaya-_taicho_ was finally going to give Kenpachi his ideal birthday present. It did not occur to him that a certain Captain with braided hair was rocking back and forth in the fetal position in her office, pausing every once in a while to scream,

"WHY ME!?"

* * *

A/N: So how'd you like it? Does it suck? I know I extended it a bit, but I wanted to keep with the first one. I'm taking the stories in a completely different direction of the comics. I can only express so much with sprites and tiny backgrounds, so I figured I'd take the more likely (and probably very true to source material) behaviors of the characters involved in the situations. Byakuya hates Ichigo. Rukia and Ichigo are in love (and show it with violent displays of affection) but don't want her Niisama to catch on. Niisama finds out, and decides to gut the Strawberry. Chasing and hilarity ensues.

I can, however, express more in words, thanks to my wonderfully eloquent usage of the English language (with bits of Japanese romaji for good measure) that graces this page. I figure that Byakuya can come to respect Ichigo for what he's done, and understands that Rukia is a big girl and can take care of herself, and clearly has done something right in picking someone even more overprotective than he for her husband.

On a completely unrelated note, I want to do a comic with Renji. But you see… I can't find any Bleach DS Renji sprites anywhere. As that is the game series where I get most of my good sprites, I want to continue making the comics with those sprites (though I might just start using the Jump Superstars Bleach sprites for comedic effect. It's just harder to edit them). If anyone can help with that, let me know!


	3. Warm Fluffy Goodness

Here we go… part 3 of my IchiRuki Multimedia Project. I call it…

**Warm Fluffy Goodness**

**(With a Side of Cherry Blossoms, Please!)**

* * *

Rukia Kuchiki (soon to be Kurosaki) was pacing back and forth. She was awash with a mixture of emotions, all swirling around inside, like a torrent of waves. Such emotions were unbecoming of a Kuchiki, but, as she reminded herself on a constant basis, she was engaged and due to be married to the orange-haired boy toy of her dreams, whose last name was Kurosaki. And, as anyone who's met even one of his family members knows, to be a Kurosaki was to wear your emotions on your sleeve.

It would take some getting used to, for sure.

At the moment, one of the emotions occupying a higher priority right now was anxiety. Mainly for her fiancé. He hadn't returned from Seireitei yet, and she was starting to worry. _I do hope he hasn't done anything foolish, like let slip that- no. I won't think that. Ichigo may be an idiot, but even he has some sense of tact._

The familiar, blunt, and always constantly overflowing spiritual pressure that Rukia instantly recognized as Ichigo's came within range of her senses. The boy that came with it appeared almost out of thin air in front of her, having finally reached his destination via shun-po. His chest was heaving, as though he had just run the circumference of the earth. "_Kuso_…" she heard her betrothed mutter under his breath.

"What's the matter, Ichigo? Are you getting rusty? You're out of breath," she mocked him slyly.

"Easy for you to say…" he huffed. "Your psychotic brother hasn't been freaking YOU out all day."

Rukia grew wide eyed. "What the hell was _nii-sama_ messing with you for?" She barely even had to think before it dawned on her. "You don't mean… how did he… you DIDN'T?"

The strawberry sighed loudly. "Duh. I was trying to apologize to him for freaking out and attacking him earlier… then I tried to relay your message, and his freaky 'I know what you did' sense kicked in and he wormed it out of me."

Rukia was fuming. "_Baka_! I can't believe you! I'm barely pregnant for a month and you just up and blab everything to _nii-sama_! You're just lucky I don't kill you myself for your idiocy!"

"You didn't let me finish." Ichigo said bluntly, feigning hurt at her outburst. "After he wormed it out of me… he asked if we intended to marry."

"Oh no…" she put a hand to her head.

"Don't be like that, I didn't tell him we were already engaged," Ichigo scowled. "That's when he started saying and doing the strangest things…"

"Like what?"

"First he apologized for overreacting. THEN he said he'd be happy for us… and THEN he freaking COMPLEMENTED ME!"

Rukia's eyes grew wider still. "Really? That's not like _nii-sama_."

"That isn't even all of it. Do you know what he did after that?"

Rukia shook her head.

"He asked me to call him _nii-sama_."

Rukia hit the floor, having been overwhelmed by the series of increasingly unlikely occurrences that Ichigo had just described.

"Holy shit, Rukia!" he yelled as he rushed to her side. "Are you okay?"

She hit him over the head very hard.

"OW! What's the big idea! I was just coming over to see if you were alright!"

"Of course I'm not, fool! Do you have any idea how many worries and feelings I've been carrying around all day? And you completely botched the small errand I had sent you to do! All I said was to apologize and give him my message!"

"HEY! I explained what happened! You try having guarded conversation with a man that constantly seeks your demise and any excuse that will justify it!"

"Ichigo! How dare you raise your voice to the mother of your child!" she yelled, before her features softened and the anger evident on her face turned into a sly smile. "No more kissie-kissie for you…" she said, as she thought, _Ha! The win is mine! _"Until you can keep your mouth shut."

"Aw, come on, Rukia, that's not fair," he said, putting on his very best pout, eventually leading into the most adorable puppy dog face.

Said face instantly melted Rukia's resolve. _He's so... so cute!_ But not her playfulness. "Fine… only if you can catch me-"

"Famous last words," Ichigo said as a feral grin found its way to his face.

"W-wait, Ichigo, I didn't mean-" Rukia tried to blurt out, but was too late.

Ichigo had (of course) used shun-po to grab her by the arm before she could run. "Done and done. So midget, how about that kiss you promised me?"

"_Baka_… only you could use midget in a sentence like that and still somehow make me yearn for you," she scoffed, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Ichigo just flashed off his cockiest, shit-eating grin.

"I should flatten your face for being such a fool."

Ichigo continued to smile, knowing she was just about to crack…

"But you're cute and you're sweet, so I guess I can let it slide," she said, as she pulled Ichigo's face toward her own and their lips met.

Cue the very long and passionate description of tonsil hockey and tongue lashing that I'm far too lazy to write.

Ichigo and Rukia broke away from their very long and passionate kiss, which I was too lazy to describe for you, for air. And Ichigo, being an idiot, couldn't stop himself from making a parting comment.

"I knew you'd see it my way, midget."

"Ahem," a voice behind them muttered.

A voice that was decidedly awash with the intent to kill.

* * *

"_Kuso_…" Ichigo muttered under his breath. _Should I start running?_ he thought.

"_Nii-sama_! We weren't doing anyth-" Rukia began, and then panicked. "Oh forget it, RUN ICHIGO!"

"What on earth would he need to run for, Rukia?" Byakuya looked at her calmly. "I have given my blessing in this matter, or has he not told you that?"

"Yes, he told me, but… You were positively glowing with killing intent! I wasn't quite sure if that was just an old habit or if you were going to-"

Byakuya waved his hand. "That is neither here nor there. And anyway, that isn't what I came here for. I'm asking you for a favor, _kozo_."

Ichigo blinked. "A… favor?"

"Must I repeat myself?" the Kuchiki clan leader asked rhetorically, his expression devoid of emotion.

"No, I just wanted to make sure I heard right. What kind of favor?"

"It seems that my reputation in Seireitei is being questioned. A certain person in charge of the Stealth Force had heard our exchange earlier today… and she believes that the Head of the noble Kuchiki clan is going soft. That, and Zaraki-taicho's birthday is coming up."

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"I require your assistance, as I need to stage an elaborate hoax that will serve two purposes."

"_Yare yare_… why does it sound like I'm not gonna like this?"

"I must chase you around Seireitei," Byakuya said simply.

"WHAT?! WHY?!"

"One, I need reliable eyewitnesses and testimony, proof for the entire Thirteen Court Guard Squads that I am NOT happy about your situation with Rukia, and two, I have been approached by Kusajishi-fukutaicho to help with the arrangements for Zaraki's birthday. He needs a convincing diversion to bring him to Rukongai District 80, where the celebration is being held. A chase would most certainly draw him out, were it convincing enough." What Byakuya _didn't_ explain was that Yachiru had promised to shy away from bothering the Sixth Division Captain for an entire month. And THAT was entirely worth chasing his future brother-in-law around for.

Ichigo said nothing. Then, after a few minutes, he said, "Sure, I'd be glad to help."

Rukia looked at her fiancé incredulously. "Seriously? You're going to help _nii-sama_?"

"It's the least I can do, given how uncharacteristically supportive he's being."

Byakuya's face betrayed a hint of a smile. "At least you have some manners, _kozo_."

"So when do you need me?"

"You must come with me this instant."

"Huh?" Ichigo's attitude switched gears. "But, Rukia and I were, um, going to go spend some time for ourselves-"

Byakuya abandoned all pretense and flashed a demonic grin. "I'll be sure to apologize to Rukia for interrupting later."

Ichigo's brow twitched and the vein on his head was threatening to pop.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!"

* * *

A/N: Finito! Hope you guys like it. It's a HELL of a lot different from the comic, I had to seriously dance around plot points, because of what I'd written in Bloodlust (the chapter prior to this one, duh), and I had to make this happen BEFORE it, otherwise, the first chapter wouldn't make any sense at all. I could be like the Simpsons' writers (and all of the other hack jobs who came after and tried to piggyback on their success, like Family Guy and American Dad) and just have each episode start completely over from the beginning, with only the agreement that IchiRukiness is happening and Byaku-brat doesn't like it. But I'm not nearly so stupid as they are, so I decided to TRY for some continuity. If you see something that isn't taken care of in the story continuity, you're a nerd for noticing, so shut up. LOL I'm just kidding, let me know via Review or PM or something and I'll look over it again.

By the way, if anyone's ever seen Bleach on Adult Swim, and they've seen the Bount Arc episode where Rukia sees Cloud in the purse-plush-thingie for the first time... that is incredibly scary. And I'm also wondering if this voice actor for Rukia is different from the one I'm used or if it's just because her voice hit a previously non-existent octave when wigging out about how Cloud looks like Chappy. That insanely cute and yet mind-boggling and scary octave that her voice hits... it's demented. Very much so. And yet I'm fascinated, nay, entranced by it.


End file.
